Current mood:	sad
Entry tags:	casey, christmas, friends, lauren

of parties and former best friends.
So today is going to be interesting.

First, I have a white elephant gift exchange at my friend Casey's house, which should be really fun.  I just met Casey this year--she's suddenly in three of my classes. She's really bright and we have a lot of fun together. We often meet up to study for Calc. 

Then, I'm meeting up with Lauren to catch up. This is the interesting part.

Lauren and I, for a few months, were best friends. She told me everything and I, her. Then suddenly, really randomly around the beginning of this month, she got very distant and started hanging out with this girl Rachel a lot, who was her best friend last year. I don't know what happened, because it was so sudden. And Lauren's always saying "hey you, I miss you, we need to hang out," and then she's never available because she's with Rachel. I all but had to smack her upside the head to get this thing to work out. It's frustrating and disappointing.

And what worries me the most is that this started getting worse when I got into Dartmouth and she got deferred from Yale.

I really, really hope that's not the reason, but I don't know...it might be hard for her which hurts me because I didn't do anything wrong. Whatever. She's back to being best friends with Rachel and I'm back to being best friends with...no one. I had had such high hopes for this friendship. And it's not like we're not friends anymore, we're just not the biffles we were. I had just been so happy to finally get close to someone who I thought was like me: ambitious, driven, passionate, smart. But after a while she started hanging out all the time with her new guy (I know we all get obsessed in new relationships, but still), saying that she didn't know if she even wanted to bother to go to a good school anymore, and pulling away.

It's just been hard for me. I have lots of acquaintances but few friends, because I'm so different from most of the kids I know. Making good friends is hard for me, because apparently I intimidate people. I thought I finally found someone whom I could stick with and who could stick with me, since she's the "intimidating" type, too. Guess not.

So I guess we'll see how this goes.

I wish people had more self-confidence. Maybe then I wouldn't scare them away.